When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died
Chuck Norris has a bear skin rug in his front room ...its not dead it just doesn't dare to move
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris' lunch was stolen during a camping trip. No one has seen Big Foot ever since.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.